I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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