my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
