dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
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My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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