Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
