yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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