I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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