My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
