So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
