It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
