So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
