she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
