everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail