i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic