I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
