$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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