Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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