this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
