my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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