I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
