I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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