11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
