Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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