That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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