That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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