Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
