I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
