I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
