No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
