Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
