see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
