exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
