I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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