What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
