I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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