as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
