Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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