The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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