i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
