I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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