Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
