I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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