also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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