You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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