i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
