It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
