But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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