Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
