you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
