I'm really into asian looking animals
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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