I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
