She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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