I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I need moral support for this bender
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
