So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
