Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
