Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
