Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
