Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
