It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
this will be a night to untag.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
