i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
