so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
