A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
