i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
