we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it's like iHOP with fire
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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