So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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