My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
