Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
