i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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