If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
